Ward 3 Candidates have withdrawn from the Council Race leaving Jonathan Rees as the unopposed individual for the seat.
ANC Commissioners Robert Gordon and Cathy Wiss have decided to continue their service within their respective districts. Wiss commented, "When Robert notified me of his decision, I considered his reasoning and concluded that his logic was sound. I made the decision to follow his lead, and continue to serve my constituents in Tenleytown".
After just a few weeks in the race, both Mary Cheh and Eric Guall withdrew for personal reasons. Guall, a political consultant, decided to take on the Campaign Manager role for Council Chair candidate Kathy Patterson. "Kathy and I had a meeting of the minds and settled our differences. She will represent all of the constituents of the city well". Professor Cheh concluded that her students needed her, and ruled out the committment required of a sitting Councilman.
Candidate Sam Brooks, for the safety of himself and his loved ones, withdrew his name from consideration. Calls to his office were unreturned as of press time.
Candidate Rees rejoiced at the decision. "My rivals realized that Team Rees was just too big a force to overcome. I knew if I stuck to it, my rivals would see the error of their ways. I told everyone who would listen and more, that me and my team of horny Latinos would be able to blanket the Ward with our Domincan made mini-flyers and overpower the other candidates".
Rees continued, "I have proven that over 99% of the people in the Ward do not pay any attention to blogs and listservers etcetera, and that no one cares about personal issues, of which I have many. I look forward to working with my colleagues on the Council, using my tactics of refined reasoning and personal development to forge compromise and consent of the will of the majority.
He said that he hopes to have a city where "intolerance and contempt are the norm", where he can use channel 13 as a bully pulpit to meld the minds of the uniformed electorate and take over the media outlets in the city.
Rees mentioned that he will communicate with his constiuents using Puerto Rican printed communications on utility poles. He will "smash any of his rivals who get in his way".
Said Rees, "I will use my known tactics of compromise and intimidation to bully pulpit my rivals on the Council into a new Washington formed out of my known leadership qualities based on my twenty years and more of professional experience".
Rees is ambitious however. "I will use DC's 3 Electoral votes as a foundation for a future path to the White House, once the Constitution is amended to allow Sicilian Latinos into 1600 Pensylvania Avenue. I have always enjoyed living in Ward 1, and hope that we can get the boundaries altered to move the White House from Ward 2 to Ward 1".
Rees can be reached via any of his staff, including Roy Stewart. Ramon can be reached at Rees's apartment, Rees's office, or anywhere else Rees is. "Roy Rivera has been with me all the time. On the streets, in my apartment and on the campaign trail. He shadows me wherever I go, and ne never leaves my head, er, side".
Rees's children, Jason, Gabriella, Anita, Anatolla, Anoletta, and adopted child, Nicole (just call me Nikki) are all very happy for him, although none of them are quite sure how old they are or if they exist.
Rees's first order of business was to confirm the appointment of his wife, Mindy, to the DC Film Office. The former Miss Silverman is a noted B-Actress. She was unavailable for comment.
For more information, please contact security detail, MPD Officer Jose Magana.